Fear of Fat, thankful

Updated: I walked and used the stabilty ball.

Fear of Fat:
Fat is not ugly it's just fat.
I’ve been morbidly obese and very very thin. Right now I am in-between. I am not scared of being fat. I do not find fat ugly. Fat is just fat. You can be fatter than me or thinner than me and that’s okay. You can want to diet or be happy with your weight. I hate the stretch marks but other than that I have no problem with my former fat self look wise. She was not ugly "most of the time". She was not unlovable. She was just fat.

Here is what I do fear:

Fear One: Diabetes I am scared about is getting diabetes. I’ve seen the giant puss filled ulcers in my grandmother’s legs before they operated to save one and decided it was better just to remove the other leg.
I’ve seen my father suffer from diabetes at an early age even when he didn't know that what it was. His weight loss did not revert the effects. Though he tries to pretend that the weight loss and his supplements have cured it. His feet are constant worries for the family. There are sores on his feet.
Dad's sister also lost a leg.
I used to eat junk and veggies and stop when I was full. One day when I turned ten I had some traumas happen which wrecked my eating.
Knowing about my family's health issures did not keep me from over eating. I ate with abandon. I was depressed and ate normally most of the time. I even exercised but I binge ate. I wasn’t depressed because of the weight. The weight was the result not the cause. A lot of people think if only they will lose the weight then they will be happy. When they lose the weight and the happiness doesn’t follow it devastates them. Get happy about yourself first. I have a lovely family that deserve a heartier mom.

Fear Two: Clothes frustration Not having clothes in my size. I hate having to hunt a dozen stores just to have something that fits. Heck I am more than happy with thrift store clothes. I like vintage dresses.

Fear Three: Influence on my children I fear the kind of influence I have on my family if exercise and healthy eating is not included. If I don’t eat vegetables why would they want to eat vegetables? I fear that my family will feel crash diets, Starvation and binging is the answer.

Fear Four: Being a Hypocrite If I can’t keep this weight off than I feel I am not being a good weight loss leader. I fear my words of good nutrition on exercise will be left for unhealthy diet supplements if I can’t walk the walk.
Fear: Failing I don’t want to say I failed at healthy eating another time. I have to get over this fear. I just have to get right back up every time I fall.

False Fear:
The one thing is I don’t get is why are some people offended or rather scared of fat people. Unlike smoking someone else’s fat cannot enter your lungs.
They pre-judge fat people and instantly think they know why the person’s fat. Not everyone is fat for the same reason.


Thankful List
My husband and little one
Naps
Books
Salads
Apples
Ice cream